Being Gay in Smalltown, USA: 3 Tips for Finding Community!

As gay folks living in rural areas, we are faced with unique challenges that our urban LGBTQIA siblings may not have. Many rural areas are not known for open-mindedness or outward support for our community. But, there are many LGBTQIA Americans living outside of urban areas who are thriving and enjoying their life to the fullest. Here are 3 tips that I have found helpful to not just survive, but thrive in a rural community and build connections!

I have lived in rural areas for most of my life. I grew up and graduated high school from a town of about 800 people. I attended college and met my husband in a town with about 30,000 people. I currently live in a town with about 200,000 people (one of the biggest cities I’ve ever lived in.) I am intimately familiar with small communities. In my time living here, I have had mostly positive experiences. I have met wonderful and affirming people. My husband and I feel safe in these communities.

Now, I realize that this is not the same experience others may have had and we have a lot of work to do. I understand that there are many LGBTQIA folks who have suffered terrible homophobia and discrimination. I recognize that many of us may even experience fear and remain closeted because of the possibility of experiencing homophobia. No one should ever live in fear of their safety, no matter where they reside.

There are many LGBTQIA folks who enjoy a small town, rural life. Some of us call these towns home for ourselves and our families. We have built families, lives, and careers here.

1. Seek out LGBTQIA Affirming Congregations:

Many rural towns have small, but mighty LGBTQIA affirming church congregations like the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC), Unitarian Universalist Church, and many others maintain firm and strong ties to supporting the LGBTQIA community. These church congregations offer community support even outside of the spiritual/religious realm. Historically, these churches have been at the forefront of LGBTQIA rights. They have also served as a safe haven and community for us. Some of my closest and affirming friends are associated with these community churches.

2. Get Involved with the Creative Arts Communities:

For generations, the Arts have been a safe haven for LGBTQIA people, where we are allowed to engage with others like us and express ourselves openly. Find an arts community near you. This is a wonderful opportunity to take up painting, ceramics, acting, or singing. Engaging in the arts puts you near like-minded, supportive people, it also allows for therapeutic self-expression. This can be a deeply profound experience for those who are longing for connection.

3. Find Out Who Sponsors the Local Pride Event:

Many small and rural communities have local pride events in the summer. Find out who sponsors these events and engage with them and what possible resources they can provide you. Often, these local Pride events are sponsored by a nonprofit organization committed to LGBTQIA visibility in the community. This is a wonderful opportunity to serve the community by bringing awareness and visibility to LGBTQIA folks and build relationships.

Whatever way in which you decide to engage with the local LGBTQIA community in your rural area or small town, it is important that you feel safe and affirmed. Seek out people who accept you for exactly who you are. If you’re interested in learning more, visit www.counselingwithnate.com.